Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Recap, or How to Almost Have a Home Birth part 2

You know, you'd think I'd learn my lesson the first time around, but no...

1230am  Mrs. H asks me to put her to bed since I am still up working on a 1000-15000 word essay for class on Monday.  She is complaining of some back pain and wants me to rub her back... She asks me to stay home from work "just in case".

2am  Finish the first 500 words of the essay and call it a night.

6am  I get up to call in to work.  I leave a message saying that Mrs. H thinks she's going into labor, but I'm not so sure.

6:15am  Bloody show. Crap... Call work back and tell them it looks like there will be a baby after all. Since Spud came in about 5 hours from that point, I still have some time.  I start double checking our bags.

7:00  I go wake Spud up and take him to daycare.  I let them know that a friend of ours will probably be picking him up later because he's about to be a big brother.  Spud is ambivalent.    Teachers are excited for us.

7:45 I stop at McDonald's for a quick xtra large vanilla iced coffee.  Rush home.

8am  Mrs. H calls her doctor's office.  Hospital policy is that if possible you stop at your clinic first (which is on the same campus) so the doctor can check you out before hand.  Her contractions are "mild" (her words) but moving to about 10 minutes apart... crap...   The clerk can't get the nurse on the line but moves her 3pm appt to 9am.  We start loading the car.

8:40am  Finally on the way to the hospital (10 minute drive).  On the way Mrs. H has a contraction that nearly puts her on the roof of the car... count to 30....crap... still going to doctor first.
8:45 get to parking lot to Dr's office.  I go get a wheelchair for Mrs. H.  Before she gets out of the car she says, "I need to push!" ...s**t.  I tell her to get in the wheelchair and run across the parking lot to the hospital.
8:50am  We get to the L&D ward (on the 5th stinking floor).  Mrs. H is now only speaking two word sentences, mostly "Help!  Baby!"  I grab a nurse and tell her, "We're having a baby, NOW!"  Nurse calmly takes us into a room.  About 4 nurses follow.  One gives her a gown and says, "here's a gown, the bathroom is over there if you want to change.  Mrs. H is ripping her clothes off and trying to get the gown on herself.  "Y'all don't understand, she was pushing in the parking lot..." Not much more urgency.  They start hooking her up to monitors.  One nurse does a quick check of her cervix... "Guys, her bag of waters is right there."  Now they start moving with some urgency, Dr. Johnson is paged.

9am  After another 10 minutes of "Don't push" which Mrs. H ignores, "Not doing that again" (she endured 20 minutes of  "don't push" while we waited for the Dr. with Spud) and, "Doctor! Now! Baby!"

9:01am Dr. arrives, out of breath (he's clostrophobic and ran from the clinic, up 5 flights of stairs and into the room).   Someone throws a gown at him, "Gloves!"  He gloves up and gets into position when Mrs. H's water breaks.

9:04am  After 3 good pushes, Sprout is born.  Mrs. H rips her gown off to hold the baby.  I cut the cord.  After a bit she gets to hold our new daughter.  "So what's for breakfast?" she asks a nurse.

I don't ever want to cut it that close again...

Today she wants to go to some sort of Tupperware event... I don't think so.  The nurses keep asking if she's a patient because she's up and about and acting like it was no big deal...  She's a machine!


Göran Koch-Swahne said...

All good wishes and happiness for the 4 of you!

Being Peace said...

Yay! Welcome baby girl!!!

Grandmère Mimi said...

Hillbilly, that was cutting it too close for sure. You nearly had to deliver the baby yourself.

Tell Mrs. H to take it easy.

Love and kisses!